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Will I need to reboot?

March 20, 2009

I get the boot off tomorrow morning, and I’m scared. I think normal people, when they break their legs, and get their boots/casts off, are really excited about being able to walk and drive again. But I’m walking pretty well right now, and I hate driving, so now that the pain is gone I have enjoyed this aspect of my convalescence. I don’t have to go anywhere. I love it.

But tomorrow, the boot comes off, and that means that I will have to start functioning again. Driving people to lessons, picking them up from lessons, going grocery shopping, going Easter clothes shopping for the kids, all that kind of thing that I’ve been relieved of for the past two months. I’m kind of dreading it. I’m worried about how my leg will hold up under normal pressures. And I’m worried that my toes will malfunction and I will not push on the gas or brake correctly and my car will wreck. See, all these doomsday scenarios are much harder to banish after I’ve broken my leg. Because now I have proof that worst-case scenarios happen sometimes, and I fear them.

I would never wish a broken leg on myself just so I didn’t have to drive anywhere for two months. So not worth it. But since it’s broken anyway, I have been enjoying the perks the last few weeks. Being able to walk without crutches, when I’m also unable to drive anywhere, is fabulous.

Tomorrow I shall be boot-free… unless (bad pun alert) it’s not healing right. Then I will have to *cough* reboot.

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 20, 2009 12:59 pm

    Oh good luck Emily! It’s so interesting to me that you are not looking forward to being able to drive again—that was one of the hardest parts for me when I was recovering. I went stir crazy. But I guess getting a break from all the taxiing mothers do might be nice. But courage take–I’ll bet you’re healed up just fine and will be high kicking (is that how you say it?) again soon!

    Best–

  2. Shalissa Lindsay permalink
    March 21, 2009 3:38 am

    It was great to talk to you tonight. Only afterward did I see this post, and then I wished I could have asked you more about your feelings on this; you alluded to them briefly and then we went elsewhere. I think your observation that you now have evidence that sometimes the worst really happens is poignant and insightful. I hope your trust in “protection” is shored up again swiftly–maybe even as soon as the first time you drive. I certainly don’t understand why some accidents are allowed and others not. Don’t let the pressure of Easter dresses get to you; Is she old enough to care? Taught to care by others? What are all the lessons you’re driving to? We should have talked more about this too–I’ve been given some reassuring ideas about these recently… Anyway, love you and I’ll continue praying for your readjustment.

  3. Emily permalink*
    March 22, 2009 5:28 am

    Shalissa, it was so good to talk to you too.

    I don’t know about my trust in protection; I think I still have leftover issues from that accident I got in with Jason on the way to Georgia. Meaning I really hate driving. I know the worst can happen…

    I think this accident was allowed for me so that I could regroup in my life, take out the things that needed to be taken out, and focus more on being a mom.

    Easter dresses…daughter and I spent hours last Easter shopping for a modest Easter dress. Finally we found one. I hope the search is shorter this time around. And yeah, she cares, because I taught her to I guess.

    The lessons… taekwondo, dance, scouts, school choir, piano. They are all close, except piano. It’s too much, but I am not sure what to eliminate, because my kids like them all. We will need to evaluate more as time goes by.

    I feel like school for my kids is pretty much a social thing. They are learning very little; they both read far above grade level, and the math is so low it makes me grumpy. So after school stuff is their only chance to actually be stretched, and have to work at something, and grow. Because they are not getting it in school. The teachers are great, but the curriculum they are assigned to teach is very easy.

    The one thing they both do is write. That is good. But everything else, meh, it’s very basic. But then my son comes home and works hard on his piano or his taekwondo, and that’s a place where he can grow and learn.

    So I’m torn. As you can tell.

  4. Emily M. permalink*
    March 24, 2009 4:32 am

    DALENE-sorry I did not respond earlier. I don’t think I will be kicking anytime soon. I did my first lesson driving run today. Sigh. Back in the driver’s seat again. It’s my son that goes stir crazy, not me.

    Thanks for your kind wishes, dear.

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